Driving Imperfections

OK, I admit it. Sometimes I'm not perfect. I'm usually the first one to admit it. I have faults - some pretty major faults. One of them being that I take on too many tasks at once. Another is that my mind wanders easily - even more as I get older. For example, I was late going to pick up my Husband and on the way there I began going over an arguement I had had with our daughter earlier in the week. Actually, I was preaching in my head, figuring out how I could use our experience with a teenager to help others in their relationships. Well, I tend to get really into my own imagination some times and so here I am, driving down the highway, preaching out loud in my car to the imaginary congregation and I glance over to see Mr. Highway Patrol sitting in a driveway. I looked down to discover I was going 77 in a 55 and promptly pulled over. I didn't even wait for the lights to come on behind me. I had done it and there was no denying. So I had a large fine and to reduce that fine and stay away from points, I also signed up for a driving course.
Now I'm taking my course online and waiting patiently (OK, impatiently) for the time to pass until I can continue. I have learned one thing. I've always wondered if you have to stop for a bus when it's a 6 lane highway. Or what if the highway is divided? Maybe you've all known the answers to this, but I've been in the dark. So now I know. And I'm more confused than ever. If the highway is not divided, you MUST stop. However, if the highway is divided, then you have to stop unless the median is 5 foot or wider. How am I suppose to know that?!? When a school bus stops on a divided highway, I need to figure out if the median is 4 feet or 5 feet wide? While driving down the road? Great! Now I'll be more unsure of whether or not I should stop. And you need to get it right , because believe me, if you stop on a major highway when you're not suppose to, fellow drivers will let you know.

Back Up

My life as I know it, has ended. OK, maybe it's not as bad as that, but it seems really, really bad right now. Our computer died this weekend. The computer has been my friend. It was the only thing in our house that spent almost as much time working on ministry as I do. But then, without warning, it ceased to exist. We turned it off and now it won't turn on. Sure, I know about back ups and I always thought I should get around to it, but it the grand scheme of things, it just wasn't on my list of priorities. Now most of the work I've done on our ministry in the last 4 years is quietly hidden somewhere deep inside the heart of my silent computer.

The most heartbreaking is the recent work. Our annual women's conference is in 3 months and I just finished the posters and brochures - they were on the computer. All our minutes and goals and event plans for the future - on the computer. Books I want to write, research I've done - you guessed it - on the computer. Isn't that where you're supposed to store most of your heart's work? Trusted to a metal box?

One thing I've realized is that life still goes on. I should have backed up. However, regardless of the extra work my mistake will cost me, the world will continue to spin and day and night will continue to pass. I am not going to be stressed by this. After all, I can't change it. I can only go forward and learn from my mistakes. And warn others. Don't trust the computer! BACK UP!!! Always BACK UP! It's funny these things happen at times in my life when I'm feeling the most overwhelmed. I know that God has been asking me to evaluate the things in my life and choose carefully those things that are of kingdom importance. The rest need to be put aside, for now. Not that I must always be working or preaching, but that I need to always be careful to stop spreading myself too thin and taking on tasks that are not mine to do.

I've called our faithful Pastor friend who is also a computer whiz and there is a small glimmer of hope that my efforts, hidden deep in the recesses of my once active computer, may be salvaged and resurrected. Pray for me. Pray for my computer.

Pastor's Luncheon - the way it should be!

I tried to get online last night to blog this, but the internet was acting up. I went to a Pastor's luncheon yesterday with my husband. It was interesting because we had received the invitation, did not know who it was from or who (if anyone) would be there, but decided to go anyway. It was so much a God thing. We've been to many lunches before and each Pastor introduces themselves and their church. But this time there was something else. These Pastors were so passionate about God and what He is doing that they couldn't help but pour it out. Every person that introduced themselves shared their passion and their heart. One woman stood up to speak and I instantly felt a connection to her. She was excited to serve Jesus! And most of the visitors at Golden Corral yesterday heard all about it! I found out later that when I spoke, she felt the same connection and we are already planning to do some things together. Don't get me wrong - I'm not putting down other meetings - all different types are needed, but it is the first time I have gone to a luncheon and walked away feeling more on fire than when I walked in. Instead of hearing about each ministers struggles, we heard about the passion they have to connect together. Imagine what the body could accomplish if churches joined forces! Hmmm........
Anyway, I jsut had to share. I love attending places where I leave hungrier than I arrived - spiritually, that is. My other half felt the same way - he preached all the way home and hasn't been able to get off the keyboard for more than a couple of hours to sleep. I truly believe God's anointing is going to continue to come forth - stronger and more powerful - as we go deeper. And I want to be ALL up in HIS business!

Once Saved Always Saved

You might want to grab a drink and get comfy. I'm about to step on some toes.

I doscovered a belief recently that I've never heard of before. Obviously, I'm still pretty new in ministry. There's a lot I don't know and I'm the first one to admit it. I usually don't concern myself with different opinions, as long as people believe in Jesus, I think our focus should be growing the kingdom. But I need to speak up when I believe it's something that could fool people into hell.

I was in a church recently and the Pastor said that he believes "once saved, always saved (OSAS)." I'd never even heard that before. Actually, I do remember someone questioning a minister about it when Bill Clinton was President and had all his problems - their response was that Clinton hadn't truly had a salvation experience or he would not have done such things??? No comment. Anyway, other than that one time, I've never heard of it and never really thought about it. Now, I'm thinking constantly. Is it true? Is it partially true? I guess I thought I'm saved through faith because I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth, but that I have free will to change my mind and give up my salvation if I ever chose to do so.

Apparently, there are 2 opinions in the "OSAS" beliefs to explain my decision to walk away. One is that I was never really saved to begin with. The other is that I have received the seal that cannot be broken and therefore I'm going to heaven regardless of any decisions I make after salvation.

So here's my response:
If I can do whatever I want and still go to heaven -
WHY DIDN"T ANYONE TELL ME THIS BEFORE!?!?!? Why am I working so diligently to constantly improve and grow closer to God? Why did I quit drinking and drugs and other "sinful" habits? Why did Jesus say that some will hear, "Depart from me. I never knew you." Does that mean they were never saved? Or perhaps they did experience salvation, but were so busy with their own agenda and doing what they wanted that they never bothered to build a relationship? (Maybe they thought once saved, always saved!) Why did Jesus warn that those who don't produce good fruit will be cut down?

What about Jesus' warning that the lukewarm would be spewed from his mouth? Why did Paul say that he beat his body into submission so that after he had preached to others, he would not be found unworthy himself? It sounds to me like he believed it was possible to lose his ticket to heaven. What about those who were Christians and have renounced Christ and become Buddists or Muslims? Do they get to still go to heaven?

I have a lot of problems with this belief, however, I can't actually prove the belief wrong. I mean, I know people who were saved (really, truly saved) who let compromise and unbelief come into their life and they walked away. I was one of them. I got saved & baptized as a child. I loved Jesus and I know if I had died I would have gone to heaven. Then, as a teenager, I turned to rebellion. There was a time when I even dabbled in Satanic worship. I do not believe for a second that had I died in my rebellion - in a sinful relationship, cursing God, with a cocaine needle in my arm that I would have gone to heaven. I knew even then that I was going to hell; I just didn't care. Here's the kicker: I don't die out there. I eventually repented and came back. I can't prove or disprove this theory, because I don't know anyone whose walked away and died before they repented and returned. I believe fully that if you turn your back on God and die, you will go to hell. However, PERHAPS there is a seal or mark or favor from God that spares your life until you repent and return. I don't know. I know there were times in my rebellion that I should have been dead yet here I am. And I know I'm not going to take the chance to test this theory and find out if it's right or not!

Yes, Jehovah God is a God of great mercy, but He is also a jealous God. Yes, His gifts are free and for all and forever, but those gifts have to be accepted. No, He does not take back a gift once He's given it, but perhaps we have the free will to put the gift down, hand it back or simply throw it away. Any comments?

Change

I keep saying I'm going to write more, yet time keeps flying by and every time it's weeks before I get back. Things are good. I've made some decisions and will be making some changes over the next few months. I have to or I will never make it to where I'm supposed to be. Right now I work for 3 different ministries and basically run myself ragged on a regular basis. It wouldn't be bad except that I'm neglecting those things I know I'm supposed to be doing. For example, developing conferences, confronting my weight and eating, and writing, writing, writing. I have so many ideas and things in my head, I just always put off my dreams for the things that need to be done right away. I've talked to my husband and he agrees. If we don't step out and take the chance we will always be barely making it - going from paycheck to paycheck. It reminds me of a song from a few years ago - I'm diving in, I'm going deep, in over my head I wanna be. That's me!
Good night!

Mr. Perfect

My husband was so awesome tonight I just have to brag. I'm not sure if I'm bragging more on him or God - both I guess. So often, my honey comes home from work and he's done. He works really hard during the day and comes home drained and he does nothing else unless I ask (or sometimes nag!) him. I know that this is the norm for most men and so I don't complain most of the time anymore, but I've really been thinking since my bout at the hospital. If we are ever going to reach where God is asking us to go, it will take more than the usual 9-5 work day. It will mean doing extra work in the evenings and pulling together and paying a price to go further. I tend to do this more often than my husband; I'm gone several nights a week doing ministry work. Monday nights I teach a women's Bible Study and then lead intercessory prayer. I am literally out of the house from 7 a.m. until 8:30 p.m. This is the perfect time for my husband to watch TV, relax, basically do nothing and not be bothered. Well, todahe worked, we had great conversation on the way home, then he did some laundry, played a game with our daughter, picked up dinner, helped clean up, and is now studying the Pentacostal Pastor book! He's awesome! I love these brief moments that I get a glimpse into his potential. He's making an effort and that makes all the difference in the world to me. Lord, just help me enjoy days like this - and may there be many more.

Hospital Visit

I need to make an effort to write more often. It seems like everyday I think of things I want to share, but when I finally get here, it's so hard to put my thoughts in order. God is showing me so much right now that I want to share - where do I start. I spent 3 days in the hospital this month. They thought it was my heart, which really scared me. I realized how quickly my life is moving forward - whether I'm ready or not. It seems like so recently that I finished high school. How could I be 39 already? My husband is getting gray hair - when did he get old? I realize to many we are still young, but there are just as many who are younger than us - much more than there use to be. Anyway, I had 3 days in the hospital to think about where I'm at - and where I want to go.

I know that I could go to heaven and be OK if I was to die right now. The problem is, I feel that I haven't accomplished enough. I'm not ready to stand before Jesus because there is so much more that I want to do for Him before I see Him face to face. Someone asked me exactly what I needed to accomplish for God to be pleased. In other words, what would I have to do to have accomplished "enough." I realized that, knowing myself, I will never feel like I have done enough. No matter what I accomplish for God, there will always be more that I could do - more people to reach, another book to write, more people needing healing, deliverance, freedom, etc. I will probably never be satisfied with what I've done - and for now I'm OK with that. I don't think we should ever be satisfied. After all, if we're still alive then there must be more to do. If I accomplish all that I was created to do, then I doubt that God will leave me on the Earth any longer.

However, I also know that many people never accomplish all that they were meant to do. I don't want that to happen to me. And so I have come away from my hospital stay with an intense desire to be more focused on my future and my destiny. I waste so much time with unimportant matters - TV, petty arguements, extra sleep. I want to run with Jesus. I just hope that I can go forward and not just fall back into that same old rutt in a couple weeks.

Oh, my heart seems to be fine. They found a cyst on the "pocket that holds my heart" (I didn't even know there was such a thing) but they think it's been there since birth. What they did find is gallstones, a kidney stone, and my liver is enlarged. There are some problems and the liver issue could be major - it's time to make some drastic changes in my life. It's time to address my eating habits. It's time to move forward!