God is GOOD!

WOW! Four months since I've blogged?? Maybe blogging isn't my thing. I love writing and wish I could find more time to do so, it just seems so very hard to find time to do things I love that aren't currently necessary. Anywoo, I need to update since so many things have changed. The company we worked for outside of Aiming High did not close, but downsized alot. We were laid off, it has been a struggle financially at times, but God is and has been (and always will be) so faithful. We have not had to go without necessitites. And it has given us the opportunity to go full time into ministry, which is where our hearts desire has always been.

Jody is in a band now and they are playing their first gig this Saturday. We started a youth ministry last summer and it is growing and we are able to put lots of time into it, which I love. I have a weekly drama ministry now and that is like living a dream. So many things are stepping into place for us right now. It is an exciting time as we wait to see what the Lord is doing.

I have to testify - Our daughter is in a school for modeling/acting (that someone paid for her to attend). Last week, she came home crying because they rated her outfit "fair." She is supposed to dress in business attire and just doesn't have much of that in her normal teenage closet. She was crying because she wants to be her best, yet knew that we had no money to go buy clothing. 2 days later, I went to work and someone had given us a $500 donation to our family. Once again, God proved Himself to our child. He is SOOO GOOD!

Pastor's Luncheon - the way it should be!

I tried to get online last night to blog this, but the internet was acting up. I went to a Pastor's luncheon yesterday with my husband. It was interesting because we had received the invitation, did not know who it was from or who (if anyone) would be there, but decided to go anyway. It was so much a God thing. We've been to many lunches before and each Pastor introduces themselves and their church. But this time there was something else. These Pastors were so passionate about God and what He is doing that they couldn't help but pour it out. Every person that introduced themselves shared their passion and their heart. One woman stood up to speak and I instantly felt a connection to her. She was excited to serve Jesus! And most of the visitors at Golden Corral yesterday heard all about it! I found out later that when I spoke, she felt the same connection and we are already planning to do some things together. Don't get me wrong - I'm not putting down other meetings - all different types are needed, but it is the first time I have gone to a luncheon and walked away feeling more on fire than when I walked in. Instead of hearing about each ministers struggles, we heard about the passion they have to connect together. Imagine what the body could accomplish if churches joined forces! Hmmm........
Anyway, I jsut had to share. I love attending places where I leave hungrier than I arrived - spiritually, that is. My other half felt the same way - he preached all the way home and hasn't been able to get off the keyboard for more than a couple of hours to sleep. I truly believe God's anointing is going to continue to come forth - stronger and more powerful - as we go deeper. And I want to be ALL up in HIS business!

The Truth

I've been gone for awhile going through transition, but that will be for another time. Right now I must get this out. I struggle. I truly struggle. I am addicted to sugar and I want to be free. I use sugar the way a crack head uses cocaine and I hate it. It's not just a bad habit or even an addiction, but it's idolatry and gluttony and immense guilt to always live with this. It bothers my husband and it bothers me. I've thought of getting really real and sharing my daily battle as I confront this monster and perhaps I will, but here is my first major confrontation. For the past week, I have been trying to eat healthy. Well, today something happened and I realize why I eat. I thought that I had dealt with all my issues and that my eating had really just become a bad habit to be broken - no reasons for it, but now I know that that is not true. I eat to bury who I am. I eat because the issues underneath are so disgusting that even I can not bear to look at them. I feel like I am a dirty evil person that should never be allowed out - and so I remain - trapped under pounds of fat. My shame sends me running to food rather than God. How can I face God when I've failed miserably? Food comforts and helps me forget. As long as people think food is my problem, I'm OK. AS LONG AS I THINK food is my problem, I'm OK. The desire to be set free from ALL that holds me back grows stronger all the time, but how can I face who I am inside? How can I ever confront the monster that lurks beneath the fat facade? How can I ever admit who I really am? If I don't confront my weight, my marriage may end or I may die, but if I confront my weight, there are worse things waiting to rear their ugliness.

God, help me please. I don't know how you can possibly believe in me at times like this or why you would desire to help me, but your Word says you do. And I need you desparately. I do not understand why you would call me into ministry, but my heart cries out for freedom to walk in destiny.

Can I slow down?

Wow. Time just flies faster and faster. All my good intentions for January are still waiting for me to catch up. I had all these visions of slowing down, focusing on my time with God, really getting intimate. But everyday flies by and I find myself crawling into bed and realizing that I again did not accomplish what I set out to do. I have a speaking engagement Saturday, an outreach Monday, a board meeting Tuesday, yada, yada, yada. I'm not complaining, I love everything I do in ministry. I just an yearning for more alone time with the Lord. Right now, with working part time, running a ministry, homeschooling a child, and managing a home I constantly find myself letting go of things I wish I could do. Oh well, I refuse to give up! I will not stop! I will become a time management wiz! I'd better get busy . . . .

Desperate for Him

OK, this is my very first blog (except for a few on myspace). I love writing so I'm excited about a new venue in which to let loose. All this came about as I was praying this morning and wishing there was a way to share my feelings with others. So here goes.

I am so desperate to fulfill my destiny. I feel like time moves so quickly and what if I miss it? What if I never accomplish what I'm called to accomplish. My prayer everyday is that I would be consumed with love for God, that I would have boldness to proclaim His word, and that I could overcome my weeknesses. Yet everyday I slip, everyday I do something I don't want to do, everyday I feel like I disappoint Him in some way. I feel like ministers should be so much more together than I am. I want to run the race with all I've got, yet I keep letting everyday life get in the way. I am determined not to give up. Thank God for mercies that are new every morning! Maybe tomorrow I'll get it right. . .