Monday, August 23, 2010

The Truth

I haven’t posted anything in quite awhile. No excuses, it just hasn’t happened. So much has been going on lately. We recently relocated to Phoenix Arizona from St Petersburg, FL. Moved our family, our ministry, everything. We vacationed in Phoenix back in May and just fell in love with the place. My husband (Pastor Jay) and I both felt God had put this place on our hearts and was calling us here. So here we are. It has not been an easy transaction, but it has been a smooth one. God provided the close to $5000.00 we needed to relocate: truck, fuel, rental car, food, rent, security, utility deposits, etc. My hubby went to Phoenix a month before us and was able to find a house for us to rent that fits us and our ministry. 1 week after arriving, we are settled and I love the house. That’s pretty amazing in itself since I didn’t help pick it!!


It hasn’t all been easy though. Our teenage daughter didn’t want to come. She misses her friends, her school, and the home she’s known for the past 12 years. It is hard being here and not having any women friends to talk to or spend time with. I know how she’s feeling. Also, my wonderful husband needs to find a job right away. He is director of a recovery center that helps us with housing, but it’s not enough to pay our bills. We are quickly running out of $ and bills are coming due, but I have peace. I admit, I’ve been worried about the electric bill (I’ve heard of $600 bills out here!), but I’m walking through it.

The stress of moving, the stress of finances, and the stress of leaving everything you know and love behind has taken it’s toll. My husband and I have been fighting a lot. I find myself lashing out and then regretting it later. Yes we are ministers, but we are not perfect. We have our struggles just like anyone else. And we just tend to take things out on those closest to us. I still have lessons to learn and things that God needs to work out in me. The awesome thing about our God is that He doesn’t turn away when we mess up, but He leads us through. That’s where I’ve been lately. Since we’ve been here, we’ve had incredible times of prayer and worship, yet I’m taking all my frustration out on my hubby instead of taking it to God. I was confronted with the seriousness of this a couple of nights ago.

Another person attacked my husband verbally. Said he wasn’t a true minister because he isn’t at the recovery center full time. Doesn’t matter that he has a family or needs to find a job – he is expected to always be available when someone needs him. (Ask any minister, this is a typical belief in the people we work with!) The comment bothered him. God began to show me how much he has taken on and he doesn’t gripe or complain or lash out at me. He is dealing with the same money issues that I am. He is a man who currently cannot provide for his family. He is doing his best in a new position and being judged unfairly. He has no close friends or confidants here and cannot even turn to his wife for encouragement. The one place that should be welcoming and safe for him has been a place of more attack. I have failed miserably lately and been totally absorbed in self. That is about to change.

I know we were called here. I know God wants us here and therefore He will provide for us. I believe there is destiny here for us. We need to draw closer together and go forward. I am committing to walk in faith and stop the garbage that has flowed from my tongue. Blessing and cursing from the same place? Not anymore. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I am committing to lift up my husband and speak faith into him and our situation. I will declare the goodness and provision of our God; no longer will I give the enemy power with my words. It is time to go forward. I declare it!