Day 5

Consistency is obviously a problem for me! It stuns me that another week has gone by. I'm still doing the Love Dare, but it seems to be going at my pace rather than daily. I did Day 5 about a week ago. It was easy for me - which shows me how I've grown over the years. I had to ask my husband what I do that he finds irritating - and stay calm and friendly while doing so! There was a time in my life when I would have been on edge waiting for his reply and then I would have had to defend myself once he answered. I love change! I was able to ask and hear his response. In fact, I already had a pretty good idea of what irritates him about me. Complete honesty - I do some of those things on purpose when I want to irritate him. (Yes, I admit it, I am a Pastor & a Pastor's wife and yet I sometimes push buttons and irritate my man on purpose!)

How do I irritate him?
1. When I take our child's side instead of his (in front of her). Actually, he said that doesn't just irritate him - it makes him flat out mad. I know, I know - never disagree in front of your child when it concerns your child - I'm working on it, believe me I'm working on it.
OK, I know this is a valid point and he's right on this issue so I need to work harder on supporting him (even when I disagree).
2. I probably should not admit this since I'm in ministry and there are lots of people who like to judge those in ministry, but I believe in being honest and real. God has asked me to strive and never give up - he knows I miss it sometimes. So, the second thing about me that irritates my husband is when I get really, really mad - sometimes I will curse. It really bothers him. It actually bothers me to. I don't like reaching that point. In the world, I had a horrible mouth for years and it took me quite a while to use bad language less and less often. Now when I reach the point of saying something I don't want to say - I have to go back to God and ask Him to examine my heart. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. If ungodly things come out of my mouth, then I believe there is an issue with my heart. Then I have to humble myself and apologize to God and my husband.
3. The last thing he said that irritates him is when I don't walk in my God given purpose. Sometimes he sees more potential in me then I can see in myself. He gets frustrated when I walk beneath my potential. That's actually really sweet.

So, I was blessed by this assignment. My honey has valid things that bother him. Things that I admit I need to work on. Again, I come away surprised at how much we've grown. I'm so greatful that we've come to a place in our relationship that we can have conversations like this without it starting a fight - and the responses are real - not the petty little things that use to drive us crazy about each other.

I have read Day 6 and unfortunately have kept putting it off - not because I don't want to do, but because it will require a little more insight and effort on my part. I hoping for Wednesday. While, I think it's important to do the Love Dare daily - it's worth doing period. Once you start, don't give up - even if you miss a few days.

Total Failure

OK, so much for this plan of mine. I actually started this book a few days ago and did quite well the first day, but I totally blew it today. I found it so hard to not be negative to my spouse. OK, I can't tell you the assignment every day because it's only fair that you buy the book, but the 1st day is to not say anything negative. I blew that one majorly today. In fact we ended up in a huge arguement and now I'm shaking trying to type this. (Yes, even Pastors have fights!) I thought I would start fresh tomorrow, but it's hard when you're hurting to be willing to love first. I know God is taking me to that place - to learn to put away selfishness and learn real love. I want that, but it is hard to move past the selfishness. I want to pull away and close off until he realizes how much his behavior hurts me. I've made a real effort and it hurts when he makes it clear that my effort is meaningless. I think what bothers me the most is that we are having problems communicating and while we both are trying to meet the others needs - the other one just doesn't see it. If we could just understand each other. I know things will not change over night and honestly, things are usually not that bad here. I love my husband, but sometimes I feel like I can never please him so why even try. Funny thing is, I know he feels the exact same way about me. Hmmmm .. .. ..

So maybe I can try to say nothing negative all day tomorrow and still be closed off because I'm hurting and I don't know how to express just how much I'm hurting.

The Love Dare

Where does time go? I'm amazed it's been that long since I've written. I've decided to do something that will hopefully help me get in the habit of blogging more regularly. Last week we took a group of couples to see "Fireproof" at the theatre. It was an excellent movie and I urge EVERYONE (married or not) to go see it. This week I bought the book that is mentioned in the movie. (You have to see the movie to truly understand what's about to happen here.) I have decided to take the challenge. I've also decided to blog about the experience - hopefully I'll get on here everyday and share what this challenge is like for me over the next 40 days. I have a feeling it may change me more than "him," but maybe that's OK. Why don't you take this challenge with me? Of course, you'll have to buy the book - it just wouldn't be right for me to tell you what you're suppose to do each day - but I believe it's a worthwhile investment into you relationships, your future, and yourself. I have already started and plan to be back later to share with you my first day experience.