Day 1 - Love Dare

Today was different. Sometimes when we think we know what we are doing, we find out that God has a totally different plan. After our argument last night, I really did not feel like starting the Love Dare today. However, I had determined to do this so I did. I did not begin with a desire to please my spouse or better our marriage - I simply did it because I feel it is something God is asking me to do. So I determined to say nothing negative to my spouse today. Sadly, neither of us obeyed God to "make up" instead of going to bed angry. It is not exactly easy to say nothing negative to someone you're upset with. So there were several times that I had to simply say nothing. Again not easy for me - I'm usually VERY outspoken about how I feel!

I figured that I knew exactly how to get through this - simply say very little and basically close off until I had the opportunity to express myself. However, my refusal to be negative meant no fuel to the fire, and this evening my husband came to me and apologized. And he even was able to tell me where he had been at fault!

I was awed at God. I didn't have to point out what he had done wrong. I didn't have to defend myself or be hurtful. I gave it to God and expected nothing, but He proved again that I don't know it all! This day also made me realize something else. In my pity party, I was talking with God and saying that I will just never be able to love my husband the way he needs (basically saying I'm not good enough so why try) - after all when I try my best he says I'm not even trying. I realized (actually God told me) that he will never love me like I need either - that his best efforts seem like nothing to me at times. I was able to understand how my husband feels because I've felt like that before, often I'm too busy focusing on his faults to notice that we both have the same struggle.

So Day 1 is over and I think I was able to refrain from negativity. I'm looking forward to the rest of the book. I know it will be hard, and I'm actually no longer doing this thinking it might make him love me more. Instead, I'm thinking this journey may change me.