Pastor's Luncheon - the way it should be!

I tried to get online last night to blog this, but the internet was acting up. I went to a Pastor's luncheon yesterday with my husband. It was interesting because we had received the invitation, did not know who it was from or who (if anyone) would be there, but decided to go anyway. It was so much a God thing. We've been to many lunches before and each Pastor introduces themselves and their church. But this time there was something else. These Pastors were so passionate about God and what He is doing that they couldn't help but pour it out. Every person that introduced themselves shared their passion and their heart. One woman stood up to speak and I instantly felt a connection to her. She was excited to serve Jesus! And most of the visitors at Golden Corral yesterday heard all about it! I found out later that when I spoke, she felt the same connection and we are already planning to do some things together. Don't get me wrong - I'm not putting down other meetings - all different types are needed, but it is the first time I have gone to a luncheon and walked away feeling more on fire than when I walked in. Instead of hearing about each ministers struggles, we heard about the passion they have to connect together. Imagine what the body could accomplish if churches joined forces! Hmmm........
Anyway, I jsut had to share. I love attending places where I leave hungrier than I arrived - spiritually, that is. My other half felt the same way - he preached all the way home and hasn't been able to get off the keyboard for more than a couple of hours to sleep. I truly believe God's anointing is going to continue to come forth - stronger and more powerful - as we go deeper. And I want to be ALL up in HIS business!

Once Saved Always Saved

You might want to grab a drink and get comfy. I'm about to step on some toes.

I doscovered a belief recently that I've never heard of before. Obviously, I'm still pretty new in ministry. There's a lot I don't know and I'm the first one to admit it. I usually don't concern myself with different opinions, as long as people believe in Jesus, I think our focus should be growing the kingdom. But I need to speak up when I believe it's something that could fool people into hell.

I was in a church recently and the Pastor said that he believes "once saved, always saved (OSAS)." I'd never even heard that before. Actually, I do remember someone questioning a minister about it when Bill Clinton was President and had all his problems - their response was that Clinton hadn't truly had a salvation experience or he would not have done such things??? No comment. Anyway, other than that one time, I've never heard of it and never really thought about it. Now, I'm thinking constantly. Is it true? Is it partially true? I guess I thought I'm saved through faith because I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth, but that I have free will to change my mind and give up my salvation if I ever chose to do so.

Apparently, there are 2 opinions in the "OSAS" beliefs to explain my decision to walk away. One is that I was never really saved to begin with. The other is that I have received the seal that cannot be broken and therefore I'm going to heaven regardless of any decisions I make after salvation.

So here's my response:
If I can do whatever I want and still go to heaven -
WHY DIDN"T ANYONE TELL ME THIS BEFORE!?!?!? Why am I working so diligently to constantly improve and grow closer to God? Why did I quit drinking and drugs and other "sinful" habits? Why did Jesus say that some will hear, "Depart from me. I never knew you." Does that mean they were never saved? Or perhaps they did experience salvation, but were so busy with their own agenda and doing what they wanted that they never bothered to build a relationship? (Maybe they thought once saved, always saved!) Why did Jesus warn that those who don't produce good fruit will be cut down?

What about Jesus' warning that the lukewarm would be spewed from his mouth? Why did Paul say that he beat his body into submission so that after he had preached to others, he would not be found unworthy himself? It sounds to me like he believed it was possible to lose his ticket to heaven. What about those who were Christians and have renounced Christ and become Buddists or Muslims? Do they get to still go to heaven?

I have a lot of problems with this belief, however, I can't actually prove the belief wrong. I mean, I know people who were saved (really, truly saved) who let compromise and unbelief come into their life and they walked away. I was one of them. I got saved & baptized as a child. I loved Jesus and I know if I had died I would have gone to heaven. Then, as a teenager, I turned to rebellion. There was a time when I even dabbled in Satanic worship. I do not believe for a second that had I died in my rebellion - in a sinful relationship, cursing God, with a cocaine needle in my arm that I would have gone to heaven. I knew even then that I was going to hell; I just didn't care. Here's the kicker: I don't die out there. I eventually repented and came back. I can't prove or disprove this theory, because I don't know anyone whose walked away and died before they repented and returned. I believe fully that if you turn your back on God and die, you will go to hell. However, PERHAPS there is a seal or mark or favor from God that spares your life until you repent and return. I don't know. I know there were times in my rebellion that I should have been dead yet here I am. And I know I'm not going to take the chance to test this theory and find out if it's right or not!

Yes, Jehovah God is a God of great mercy, but He is also a jealous God. Yes, His gifts are free and for all and forever, but those gifts have to be accepted. No, He does not take back a gift once He's given it, but perhaps we have the free will to put the gift down, hand it back or simply throw it away. Any comments?

Change

I keep saying I'm going to write more, yet time keeps flying by and every time it's weeks before I get back. Things are good. I've made some decisions and will be making some changes over the next few months. I have to or I will never make it to where I'm supposed to be. Right now I work for 3 different ministries and basically run myself ragged on a regular basis. It wouldn't be bad except that I'm neglecting those things I know I'm supposed to be doing. For example, developing conferences, confronting my weight and eating, and writing, writing, writing. I have so many ideas and things in my head, I just always put off my dreams for the things that need to be done right away. I've talked to my husband and he agrees. If we don't step out and take the chance we will always be barely making it - going from paycheck to paycheck. It reminds me of a song from a few years ago - I'm diving in, I'm going deep, in over my head I wanna be. That's me!
Good night!

Mr. Perfect

My husband was so awesome tonight I just have to brag. I'm not sure if I'm bragging more on him or God - both I guess. So often, my honey comes home from work and he's done. He works really hard during the day and comes home drained and he does nothing else unless I ask (or sometimes nag!) him. I know that this is the norm for most men and so I don't complain most of the time anymore, but I've really been thinking since my bout at the hospital. If we are ever going to reach where God is asking us to go, it will take more than the usual 9-5 work day. It will mean doing extra work in the evenings and pulling together and paying a price to go further. I tend to do this more often than my husband; I'm gone several nights a week doing ministry work. Monday nights I teach a women's Bible Study and then lead intercessory prayer. I am literally out of the house from 7 a.m. until 8:30 p.m. This is the perfect time for my husband to watch TV, relax, basically do nothing and not be bothered. Well, todahe worked, we had great conversation on the way home, then he did some laundry, played a game with our daughter, picked up dinner, helped clean up, and is now studying the Pentacostal Pastor book! He's awesome! I love these brief moments that I get a glimpse into his potential. He's making an effort and that makes all the difference in the world to me. Lord, just help me enjoy days like this - and may there be many more.

Hospital Visit

I need to make an effort to write more often. It seems like everyday I think of things I want to share, but when I finally get here, it's so hard to put my thoughts in order. God is showing me so much right now that I want to share - where do I start. I spent 3 days in the hospital this month. They thought it was my heart, which really scared me. I realized how quickly my life is moving forward - whether I'm ready or not. It seems like so recently that I finished high school. How could I be 39 already? My husband is getting gray hair - when did he get old? I realize to many we are still young, but there are just as many who are younger than us - much more than there use to be. Anyway, I had 3 days in the hospital to think about where I'm at - and where I want to go.

I know that I could go to heaven and be OK if I was to die right now. The problem is, I feel that I haven't accomplished enough. I'm not ready to stand before Jesus because there is so much more that I want to do for Him before I see Him face to face. Someone asked me exactly what I needed to accomplish for God to be pleased. In other words, what would I have to do to have accomplished "enough." I realized that, knowing myself, I will never feel like I have done enough. No matter what I accomplish for God, there will always be more that I could do - more people to reach, another book to write, more people needing healing, deliverance, freedom, etc. I will probably never be satisfied with what I've done - and for now I'm OK with that. I don't think we should ever be satisfied. After all, if we're still alive then there must be more to do. If I accomplish all that I was created to do, then I doubt that God will leave me on the Earth any longer.

However, I also know that many people never accomplish all that they were meant to do. I don't want that to happen to me. And so I have come away from my hospital stay with an intense desire to be more focused on my future and my destiny. I waste so much time with unimportant matters - TV, petty arguements, extra sleep. I want to run with Jesus. I just hope that I can go forward and not just fall back into that same old rutt in a couple weeks.

Oh, my heart seems to be fine. They found a cyst on the "pocket that holds my heart" (I didn't even know there was such a thing) but they think it's been there since birth. What they did find is gallstones, a kidney stone, and my liver is enlarged. There are some problems and the liver issue could be major - it's time to make some drastic changes in my life. It's time to address my eating habits. It's time to move forward!

I'm Free! Again

This morning was such a breakthrough for me. I got up early this morning to spend time in prayer. I've been dealing a lot lately with stuff from my past. Some times we think we've overcome something, just to have it end up right back in our face. I think we get so used to living with certain problems that we learn to cover them up and appear that things are OK. Until it resurfaces. God won't allow us to continue fooling ourselves - He desires that we be set totally free. This happened to me recently. I was abused as a child and had a lot of mistrust, anger, bitterness, etc. because of my past. Over the years I have worked very hard to move past those things and put them behind me. I no longer live in the fear or shyness that I used to - God has brought me so far that I thought I was over the abuse. But recently, I saw a picture on the internet of my abuser - and a lot of feelings came up that I thought I was over.

So, this morning in prayer I cried and prayed and cried and prayed. And I forgave the man who did this. And then I forgave my mom. That was my breakthrough - realizing that I blame her for a lot and realizing that she has her own stuff that makes her the way she is. I have to let go of my pain so that I can walk in freedom. I feel better than I have felt in several weeks. I feel free again. I have realized that we never truly "overcome" our past - it will always be a part of who I am. Instead of trying to remove it, I can realize that I will always be a woman who was abused as a child, however, I don't have to live with the effects of that abuse. I can use my past to help others and choose to let go of the hurts, etc.

So I an free - again. Or atleast until God brings something else to the surface for me to confront.

A Dream Came True

I am amazed it has been this long since I've written. Where does time go?? Anyway, I just have to brag on my hubby - he absolutely blew me away this time. Our anniversary is in August and about 2 weeks before, he told me not to plan anything because he wanted to plan the date this time. That in itself is amazing, seeing as how he's only planned one anniversary out of the 14 we've had! Actually, I was relieved because I've been so busy that I had already decided I wasn't planning anything special this year - just dinner and a really cool gift. Well, I met him after work and we went to Clearwater Beach. I thought he was taking me to Palm Pavillion, a restaurant we both like that sits right on the beach, but then we turned and started walking down where the boats are. We were looking at the different tour boats when we walked by this huge yacht. I stated that I'd never seen a boat that big, and he replied, "What about the boat we're going on tonight?" In front of us was an even bigger boat (or maybe it's a ship - I don't know) The Starlight Majesty! My incredibly sweet sexy husband made reservations for a dinner/dancing cruise at sunset. OK, so that in my book was perfect! But then, when we boarded, he had also gotten the anniversary package - roses, champagne, balloon, and our names announced! The entire night was incredible. I LOVE HIM!!!! (No, we did not drink the champagne - not that I think drinking is absolutely forbidden - but that is another blog.