I need to make an effort to write more often. It seems like everyday I think of things I want to share, but when I finally get here, it's so hard to put my thoughts in order. God is showing me so much right now that I want to share - where do I start. I spent 3 days in the hospital this month. They thought it was my heart, which really scared me. I realized how quickly my life is moving forward - whether I'm ready or not. It seems like so recently that I finished high school. How could I be 39 already? My husband is getting gray hair - when did he get old? I realize to many we are still young, but there are just as many who are younger than us - much more than there use to be. Anyway, I had 3 days in the hospital to think about where I'm at - and where I want to go.
I know that I could go to heaven and be OK if I was to die right now. The problem is, I feel that I haven't accomplished enough. I'm not ready to stand before Jesus because there is so much more that I want to do for Him before I see Him face to face. Someone asked me exactly what I needed to accomplish for God to be pleased. In other words, what would I have to do to have accomplished "enough." I realized that, knowing myself, I will never feel like I have done enough. No matter what I accomplish for God, there will always be more that I could do - more people to reach, another book to write, more people needing healing, deliverance, freedom, etc. I will probably never be satisfied with what I've done - and for now I'm OK with that. I don't think we should ever be satisfied. After all, if we're still alive then there must be more to do. If I accomplish all that I was created to do, then I doubt that God will leave me on the Earth any longer.
However, I also know that many people never accomplish all that they were meant to do. I don't want that to happen to me. And so I have come away from my hospital stay with an intense desire to be more focused on my future and my destiny. I waste so much time with unimportant matters - TV, petty arguements, extra sleep. I want to run with Jesus. I just hope that I can go forward and not just fall back into that same old rutt in a couple weeks.
Oh, my heart seems to be fine. They found a cyst on the "pocket that holds my heart" (I didn't even know there was such a thing) but they think it's been there since birth. What they did find is gallstones, a kidney stone, and my liver is enlarged. There are some problems and the liver issue could be major - it's time to make some drastic changes in my life. It's time to address my eating habits. It's time to move forward!
